Lotus F1 Team amendments proposal to 2014 sporting regulations

Lotus F1 Team Amendments Proposal to 2014 Sporting Regulations
1. Any driver who has a pet named "Roscoe" will start from the back of the grid. On even days only. Does not apply in April.
2. Any driver celebrating his birthday on the day of qualifying will be granted pole position, 10 points, and a Ferrari garage tour.
3. Any driver replying with "for sure" to a press conference question will be slapped. Every time.
4. Any driver doing donuts at the end of the race will have to eat the same number of said donuts immediately post race during the mandatory press conference.
5. Any driver wanting a new haircut must give all teams a minimum of 3 days` notice. Weight handicaps may apply.
6. Any team caught using "amusing" hashtags post 2013 may be questioned for illegal fun and will receive a heavy fine.
7. All drivers must retort to rude messages from the pitwall to a similar or greater degree of rudeness.
8. All driver managers will be compelled to spend at least one Grand Prix telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
9. The team who designs the ugliest car of the season will be deducted 15% of their final points tally.
10. Any team with a reality TV guest at any race will be forced to contest the following GP with same reality star driving.
11. Any team with more than four members of personnel who have previously held the title "Technical Director" will be forced to design their car solely using LEGO.
12. Any loophole exploiting devices can only be used if they have a cool name: "Stingray 2000 Optimiser" allowed. "Keith" not allowed.
13. Championship points deciders will be determined by Rock, Paper, Scissors or Cage Fight.
14. All driver disputes will be determined by reference to Taki Inoue and a good bottle of red.
15. Any team(s) missing any of the pre-season tests will be compelled to contest a non-points scoring 2014 Korean Grand Prix amongst themselves.
16. Any driver completing a Grand Prix using only two wheels will get double points.
17. All drivers named Sebastian Vettel will complete their own pit stops without outside assistance from their mechanics.
18. Any driver beating Sebastian Vettel will get a double at the bar.

Seems fair to me...

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